NEW BEGINNINGS!

Monday will start a new!

I will be blogging more and I have a few things that I want to start doing!

Just a heads up for those of you who do pay attention!

Peace, Love & Urbanism!

Thank You...

Sometimes I see the world outside of everything.

Outside of the hurt.

Outside the pain.

Outside of you.

Somehow, I almost managed to let you destroy me,
But I saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I made it through.

What I can’t get past though, is the memories.

I often question the reasons why…

Why did I stick around after knowing the things you did?

Why did I chose to let myself get caught up, knowing you weren’t the person you claimed to be?

For what reason did I allow myself to get thrown into your whirlwind of bullshit when I had so much more going for myself?

But, I don’t blame you. No.

See, it was my fault because I saw the brick wall before I crashed into it and I thought I could knock it down.

Now I know, I was only fooling myself and you..

You were just along for the ride.

I’ve learned that the mistakes I made with you were choices that I chose to make.

And I know that what I learned with you were lessons God wanted me to learn.

So no, I don’t blame you. I thank you.

Thank you for letting me learn and grow. Thank you for all the bullshit you put me through.

Because now I can use my love on someone who deserves it, instead of wasting it on you.

Day I : NO TWITTER!!

I decided yesterday that I was going to put myself on Twitter restriction. No Tweeting for at least 2 to 3 days, but I feel like I might be able to go longer because those that I really want to talk to I can contact outside of Twitter.

The reason behind this is, I follow mostly all of my favorite people in the entertainment industry. I watch them tweet all day about all the crazy wonderful things they are doing and it made me stop and think! I said to myself; SELF... isn't that where you want to be? Aren't they doing the same things y0u want to do? Well... YEAH!

So that made me start to wonder... if I'm busy following them on Twitter, reading all the things they're talking about doing then how am I going to get where they are?? In that moment, I decided that I was going to take time and focus more on what I want to do and where I want to go!

Thus, I decided to leave Twitter alone for a few days and get my mind right!

So far, so good! We'll see how the next couple of days go!!!

Let's Get One Thing Straight!!

Sometimes I am mistaken as someone whom people can frequently run over. It's like I draw people to me who think that because I am nice and because I like to help those people whom I can help when I am able, that it is okay to use me for their benefit...

I know that I am a reflection of the people I hang around, talk to, associate with, etc., and that if I want things around me to change then I need to change the people around me and my enviornment. These things, I am doing, but there are still those who know that I because I am a very giving person that tend to think that because they've known me for so long that its okay for them to treat me like a welcome mat from time to time.

Well, needless to say... I'M SICK OF IT!

I've tried my hardest not to be a bitch! I've tried my best not to step on people or do unto others what I don't want done unto me, but it seems like thats where a lot of people want me to go.

Will I go there? NO!!!

I'm not going to change my personality or my kindness to conform to what others might want me to be, but what I will do is start cutting A LOT of you off!

I am 28 years old! YES! 28!

I've lived a lot of my life in the shadows of others, being shy, not going for the things I want to go for because I was too scared of rejection. Now that I've come to a place in my life where I'm past all of that, people want to continue to try and bring me down, but I won't let them!

If you think I've changed and you don't like the changes I've made then DON'T DEAL WITH ME! Simple as that! I'm not here to please you! I'm not here to make you happy! I'm here to please God and make him happy! I'm here to take care of my two boys and make them happy! I'm here to live out my dreams and make myself happy!

I do my best to add bring joy into others lives and I hoped that it would be the other way around as well, but I see that it isn't and so now, if you don't add to my joy then you have no reason to be around me, talk to me or talk about me for that matter!

DELETE! You're CANCELED! You have been DISMISSED! KICK ROCKS!

For those of you who know me and respect me and my kindness, Thank you!

for those of you who are just now getting to know me and for those of you who may become future friends or associates, please take heed to whats being said here!

I am the most generous and probably one of the nicest people you will ever come across! Don't take my kindness for weakness or my generosity for stupidity because once I find out that you're only around to use me, I will as I stated about half way up the page; CUT YOU OFF!

Thanks for reading! Have a nice day and be blessed!

Is It Really Going To Feel Like This For A While??

I'm just sitting here thinking about some things and I wondered...

Is it really going to feel like this for a while?

Thoughts constantly going, waiting and knowing, but not really knowing when?

Visions forseen as the present, but they're really the future; at the same time I know I'm in that exsistence...

What is it that has me miscombobulated like this?

My mind is there, my body is here and my soul is somewhere near.

Am I crazy? Or is it that I've always lived on the other side and I'm just now opening my eyes and starting to reallize that I've been there all along?

Sometimes, I wonder...

UM...So.. YEAH!

Now, we all know that I'm not a virgin. I mean hell, I do have two boys. But sex is not a major part of my life right now... SHIT it's not even a minor part of my life right now. So why, when the doctor went to do my pelvic examine, when he found that he was having trouble getting those forceps thingies up there, did he decided to RAM them into me!?

My cervix is still frontal, which means that if you're "too big" I'm going to run from you because N*GGA, you're trying to puncture my cervix! Yes, I am a big girl and I can take it, but you have to be gentle!

But get this... after having trouble keeping the forceps thingies up there, he goes to check my cervix and my uterus ( which always calls for them to use their fingers ) and when he saw that he was having trouble getting just his fingertips up there, he pulls back and RAM'S HIS DAMN FINGERS UP THERE!

OW N*GGA!

I'm a thick girl, but just because a female is thick and has children, does not mean that her shit won't be tight! Especially if she's not currently sexually active. So to all the doctor's out there, I leave you with this...

Be gentle! One day you might come across the wrong one!

That is all! KThnx!

P.S. Love, Peace & Urbanism!

BLAH!

I didn't do much with myself today. About half way through the day I layed down and didn't get up until three and a half hours later.

Though I didn't work out, I still ate within my calorie intake and kept myself hydrated with plenty of water. I'll do my best to workout tomorrow...after I get my boys to their doctors appointment and then off to school!

I'll more then likely push myself to at least work on my lower body and abs tonight. I seem to have insomnia or maybe I'm nocturnal. My Mother calls me a vampire, but a person that's up all day ( most of the time ) and most of the night can't quite possibly be a vampire.

I want to leave you guys with this though...

I was on Twitter and I saw something that one of the people I am following (@SkrillDilly) retweeted. i can't remember who said it first, but it said something along the lines of; if you want something, ask for it and claim it in God's name and Skrill said only if you want it for the right reasons.

So, my question to you is...

Do you want the things you desire for the right reasons?

Are you pure within your heart when you ask for what you want?

If you haven't acquired these things, do you know why you haven't?

Until next time!

Love, Peace & Urbanism!

P.S. Yes! I made that word up!

P.S.

Love, Peace & Urbanism!

10 Minute Trainer Day I: Cardio + Lower Body - Abs = OMG! I'm Bout To Die!

The Before Body!

THE DEVIL!!

I re-started the 10 Minute Trainer due to the fact that I had started seeing results after only doing it for a week the first time. The first go round, it didn't seem so hard, but that could have been because I didn't try to do two - three of the workouts back to back.

This go round, I tried to go through all three and only made it through two ( Cardio + Lower Body ).

I had to push myself not to pass out on the floor downstairs, which by the way is covered with the skin from peanuts because my stepfather and eldest son love to eat peanuts our of the shell, and I had to push myself to walk up the stairs instead of crawl up the stairs because my lungs were begging for mercy!

The Aftermath...

Honestly; I enjoyed it! Tony Horton talks the entire way through it and he says some pretty funny things! He's very motivational, otherwise I would have sat my ass down a long time ago!


My thighs and butt feel tight right now, my heart got a good workout and I down two glasses of water back to back within a matter of seconds!

All in all, I feel really good about this!

Now...

On to a veggie burger!!

Au Natural

I don't blog much, but I've decided that I need to do something with it since I started it so here goes!

Been thinking on a lot of things and I've come to the realization that my life will not change until I get up and start changing it. Mentally, physically and emotionally; I've been drained. It's time to take my life back and it starts with getting myself physically, mentally and emotionally together! I bought 10 Minute Trainer and I started it a few weeks back, but I stopped because as ALWAYS, I let other things get in the way of what I really wanted to do, but NO MORE! Today is a new day and I AM going to get the best body I've ever had!

If you haven't heard about it, or you have and you just haven't read it, please check out "The Secret". This book has really changed my life and the way I think about things! Ask, Believe & Receive! I started out with small things, things I really wanted and needed in my life i.e.; 10 Minute Trainer, I QUIT SMOKING!.. and so far, with applying certain aspects to my thinking, I've been able to let go of, move on from and ACTUALLY BELIEVE!

I've made a decision to take back my life and go for the things I want, now it's your turn! We can do this together! I'll post my progress here so that you'll see how well I'm doing. It only takes a second to re-route your thought process and start thinking positive, so try it! You'll be amazed how much more clear your mind is and how much lighter your load feels.

Well, i'm off to restart 10 Minute Trainer. i'll come back and blog about it when I get done. Until then,

Love, Peace and Urbanism!